Limerick Competition
Summer madness - limericks!
To encourage all you comedians out there, I thought I'd run a summer competition (closing date end August) on limericks. Send them in here and I will pick three of my favourites for a special signed copy of one of my books. The only two rules are the theme i) has to be about a book or character of mine - and ii) it must be funny (not rude though!).
Good luck.
For those of you unfamiliar with the form, here's an example:
There was a young author called Cat
Who admired a duchess' fine hat
As broad as a church
It made a fine perch
For a robin, six hens and a bat.
Silly, silly, I know (there's a very fine hat seen in Cat's Cradle...)
Julia
Messages
yasmeen wrote on 02 September 2010:
There once was a gossipy duchess Whose lovely voice did her justice Beware her tongue of steel, she might have you as a meal, but her heart is kind nevertheless. P.s. sorry if it's too late, but I thought id send it anyways!
Aeyla wrote on 02 September 2010:
When will the results for this contest be posted?
When I have had a chance to read all the entries, but soon.
Natalie wrote on 31 August 2010:
Hi, I hope i'm not too late. A cat with no whiskers or tail, She can't sew, but can sing act and sail, A red-headed wit, Has no vapours or fits, and an extraordinary love for fresh kale! Or as an alternate ending for the cat poem. Please consider them as two poems. When she puts her mind to the task she won't fail. Unpredictable crook we call boil, whos plans, cat only could foil, A devilish snake, A dashing young rake, who plays cat and mouse with young Royal. There are my three!!! Looking forward to the results!
Coral wrote on 31 August 2010:
Here is my entry for Cat. There once was a British feline with claws/ Which were far sharper and more dangerous than saws/This however caused many gents/To feel she was worth more than all their pence./First there was a golden-hearted warrior who often made pies/With whom many believe this ginger Cat's heart lies./Second after the fair kitten was the pie warrior's foil/ a villanous cur named Billy Boil./Also arrived a sophisticated, fun-loving lad with high social rank/A handsome, sweet young Lord who often went by Frank./Across the seas, an African violinist escaped, only to meet her/Many believed this one loved her - he was no cur!/ Who, oh who, would this kitten choose?/One would be lucky, the others all lose./Only one thing is known well/Of whom she likes best, the Cat will never tell!
sopse wrote on 30 August 2010:
There once was a rich boy called frank, Who to keep Cat out of trouble had to consult his bank, He was too shy to ask her to dance, Which concluded with her behind the plants. There she kissed a boy called Billy, Who would not be caught dead in anything frilly, His kiss made her legs turn to jelly and his strong arms crushed her small belly. Then along came a shell-shocked Frank, Who stood as still as a plank, He couldn't believe what he'd just seen, And all he really wanted to do was scream. This is of Frank, Billy and Cat.
Saima R wrote on 30 August 2010:
There once was a orphan who lived on Drury Lane Her temper became Billy Boil’s bane, Everytime they were in each other’s sight Billy Boil always tried to trap her in a fight, But her cunning escape only drove Billy and his gang insane.
Krystal wrote on 29 August 2010:
hi, just wondering, when will you announce the winners? And when will you put up the cat novella?? thanks :)
Soon, end of the week! Today!
Ani wrote on 28 August 2010:
Are all the limericks posted? Looked like some were missing.
I am still catching up on emails after the holiday.
Melissa wrote on 26 August 2010:
Billy Shephard thinks he's so so cool. Think all you want he is no fool. When it comes to scheming and getting what he wants. He's a pro, he's ace. Don't call him Boil to his face. But I tell you want thing that's got him raving mad a girl named Cat who's slippery and slidy, and who's mad as a bat. She's got this pendant see, a pendant that dear Billy gave to be worn in haste. In which ever case she thought to have come from a dear old lady making it quite plain to be enjoying his pain after all what else can she gain?
Melissa wrote on 26 August 2010:
In the eighteen hundreds I met a girl, a girl as fine as can be. She was boisterous and fun, so wise and so young, arising trouble in her wake. She had green eyes and red hair, a mischeviuous glare, I assure you, she is no flake. Though she's got a fiery temper and a really foul mouth, she's brave loyal and true. Read her memoirs, if that's what you wish, but don't say I didn't warn you, her tale is not for the squemish or the faint hearted, now gather your wits and shoo!
sarah wrote on 24 August 2010:
cat was girl who dressed like a boy, and boil was a boy who liked to destroy, cat has her claws, boil has peoples throughts, what can possibly go wrong?!!! p.s I know its not the best but i gave it all i got!! :D
Marie wrote on 24 August 2010:
I have to remind myself that patience is a virtue. I'm having such a hard time waiting till the end of the month!!!!! :D
Margot wrote on 23 August 2010:
Through reading a few books/ I met one of the very worst crooks/ You would know him as Billy/ He who likes collecting things that are shiny/ To put in padded nooks. Good job everyone!!! You're all awesome!
Clare wrote on 22 August 2010:
From the Companions Quartet, the same limerick from two slightly different perspectives :: 1 :: Should you ever to sailors’ tales hearken / You may thrill to the hideous Kraken / Up your spine it will creep / From its lair in the deep / And your merriest dreams it will darken :: 2 :: Come young children and to my yarn hearken / Shut the curtains and let the room darken / Please, draw your chairs near / And give in to your fear / As I tell of the hideous Kraken :: Mwahahaha!!!!! Clare ;-)
Alexandra wrote on 19 August 2010:
Cat had a baby named after her, Once born, she spouted green fur, She wouldn't wear dresses, She made lots of messes, And she rode horses using only one spur.
Hafsa wrote on 18 August 2010:
Frank the Earl of Arden, who is 'oh' so very well written/ Syd the Bow Street Butcher, who first kissed the kitten/ JF the frenchie 'oh la la', who saved Cat from being hung/ Billy 'Boil' the thug now converted to gent, but is he still dung??/ Four very different prospects, but by whom shall Cat be smitten??
Janiey-ran wrote on 17 August 2010:
Connie is a trusted companion and friend. Has time for both Society and school with some left to spend. She's clever and witty. But she's still waiting for Col to ask her out, what a pity. Somehow he did in the end.
Kendra wrote on 16 August 2010:
OK, so here goes... A hope bloomed when a companion grew out, Her friend found out and began to pout. But then Francis told him, Their foe was back in, And all the Trustees were about!
hannah wrote on 14 August 2010:
I didnt see my limerick so here's my poems. Cat A girl named Cat was a writer On occasion she could be quite a biter With very strong teeth She could make a man bleed That Cat was such a bright fighter! Billy Billy was very mean Rich, clever, not clean When a girl called him boil His spirits would soil Since he thought she was a pretty teen Billy A boy named Billy wasn't nice Plenty of mouth and spice Quite a rich boy With jewels for a toy For him nothing would suffice
Hannah wrote on 14 August 2010:
Okay here's my second about Billy Billy was rich and mean Clever,ugly, but not clean When a girl called him boil His spirits would soil Because he thought she was a pretty teen! Hope you liked it!!!! :D- Hannah
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